Honest.. How HORRIBLE am I ?

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All right.. I am coming to y'all for advice..
so for all of you lurkers who come by..

HELLO Nacogdoches.. Sacramento.. Wilmington.. (etc)

& NEVER leave comments.
today would be THE. DAY.
to chime in..


Last August.. my company announced the next GOLD CONFERENCE
would be held in DUBAI..


DUBAI...
D  U  B  A  I ...

Have I mentioned DUBAI is on my bucket list?
& they will be staying at

Atlantis The Palm Hotel.
Have you seen this  5 star .. place?
(as I start to sing.. like the heavens are about to open up...)

Can't you imagine ME.. swimming with the dolphins here?  
 can't ya? .. huh? ..can't ya?
So the only problem..

People in my position do not normally go to the GOLD Conferences..  :-(
but never mind... I wasn't going to give up...
Ohhhh HELLLL  NO!
I have busted my ass..
making sure MY people were qualified to get to this conference...
I have begged... I have lobbied.
I have offered to do pretty much anything..
 (aside from scrubbing toilets... but given the chance I might do that too)
to get to go.
My boss.. has talked to HIS bosses... 
to let me go..
& nothing is for sure..
but the possibility is THERE..

so what.. you ask.. is the PROBLEM?

THE PROBLEM is...

My "sister in law" - is FINALLY getting married to my brother in law..

on .. YES. you guessed it...

The weekend. I should be in Dubai.

So lets just say my boss IS Hellen Keller
aka. THE MIRACLE WORKER..

& gets me invited to this conference..
How horrible am I for NOT going to a family wedding?

Am I horrible?  am I? 
It IS for WORK..  I have been working for this  for over 6 months..
is it wrong for me to go.. or should I tell my boss never mind?

Or how horrible would that for me.. to NOT go.. after he has gone to bat for me..
trying to get me invited?

Discuss amongst yourselves.. & leave me a comment.
PLEASE..

Thanking you in advance..

xoxox
Tressa

MORE INFO...

After your comments  .. here is a little more info..

It is my husbands brother.. (in his 50's)
his live in girlfriend...  (been living together 13 years)
6 year old daughter.
not particularly close with them.
VERY NICE people..
but generally only get together with them a couple of times a year..
despite the fact that they live 5 min from us.
Discussed with hubby.. & he said "oh" OK..
I can ask him again.. and ask if he really would be horribly upset..  but as long as I have everything READY before I leave...  (kids outfits etc. )
I don't think he would REALLY care.

If the situation was reversed... I am pretty sure hubby would skip the wedding from my side of the family.. - he did this summer. ( ahem..  I didn't care... nor did my cousin)
What is killing me is ..
I would be throwing away a week..  with all of the Top leaders.. and top management.
for one afternoon.

Can you see where I am leaning..
but I just want to know if I am indeed a shitty person for going anyway.
:-)


 

Comments

Funny in My Mind said…
How close are you with the future bride and groom? Can you tell them your conundrum?
Will they be devastated?
Are you IN the wedding?
For some reason Dubai has always terrified me, like I would be sold to slavery or something. It is beautiful though but so mysterious.
February 5, 2013 at 10:48 PM
Bill Lisleman said…
I'll assume the wedding location could not be switched to Dubai. If I got the details correct - your connection is your husband's brother (groom). How does your husband feel about it? I guess he would not be going to Dubai anyway since you are pushing it to convince the company to send you. Hey here's a deal - I'll go to either one on your dime. Maybe I could wear a wig and shave my goatee.
February 5, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Sally said…
Well I would normally say family always come first but .......Dubai, well I guess you will have to go with your conscience. Have you spoked to the bride or groom about this or your husband? Would you still go to Dubai if they were upset about it? Good luck.
February 5, 2013 at 11:43 PM
Betsy said…
If you mother-in-law is anything like mine, I would go to the wedding - there would be hell to pay otherwise. That said, I would probably go to Dubai. That hotel is amazing! Good luck making your decision.
February 6, 2013 at 12:13 AM
Betsy said…
*your* not you. I need to learn to proofread my posts. :)
February 6, 2013 at 12:14 AM
Joyful said…
Oh what a dilemma! I really wouldn't know what to do but as a guideline, family comes first. Some considerations involve how close you are to the bride and how she, her family (yours) and your husband would feel if you didn't attend the wedding. I am assuming you are not in the wedding party but if you are, then you really must attend the wedding or bowing out will forever cause problems. I also wouldn't want to make my boss angry and say I wasn't going after all his/her efforts but perhaps now would be the time to speak up. First with your husband and SIL then with your boss. Good luck.
February 6, 2013 at 12:28 AM
Susan Kane said…
Have they been living together for a while? How old are they? Is this a close knit family who will hate you forever if you are not there?

Cannot give you an answer, but can give you questions:)
February 6, 2013 at 2:35 AM
Kelley with Amy's Angels said…
Here are my suggestions:

1. Discuss this with the bride & groom. What are their plans? Are you, your husband and the kids going to be asked to be in the wedding?

2. Chat with the hubs. What are his thoughts on this? Obviously he supports you and your career. But does he hope to have you there on that day with the family?

3. I love that your supervisor has gone to bat for you. If you said, "Thanks but I'm out", what would that do to your career? You've shared that careers in Norway are much different than they are here in the States. Would your supervisor be understanding? Or would this impact it?

Overall, I say, "trust your gut". :)
February 6, 2013 at 3:19 AM
Joyce said…
I missed a family wedding about 30 years ago. Like you, I had something else I had been planning for and looking forward to and this couple (related to me) had already eloped, but then scheduled a more formal wedding later on the date I wanted to be elsewhere. It has come up from time to time in the intervening years, not from the bride or groom, but from other family members. Looking back I wish I'd gone to the wedding. Sometimes these situations look different and clearer through the lens of time. I don't think anyone can answer for you, and obviously every situation is different, but that's my .02.

I

February 6, 2013 at 5:23 AM
Joyce said…
Also, whatever you decide- it won't make you a horrible person : )
February 6, 2013 at 5:24 AM
Anonymous said…
Go to the wedding. Dubai and the hotel will still be there. The wedding day will be gone. If someone special to you were not to have gone to your wedding, then it would have hurt you, I'd imagine. Just the fact that you bring it up means you are torn. So pick family first. Also, to talk to the couple is moot because of course they'll tell you not to worry. Do the right thing. Its not always about what we think we want; it's about doing what we know is the right thing.
February 6, 2013 at 5:39 AM
Therese said…
You'll be the sister "who had more important things to do" unless your SIL is way, way cool for the rest of your life. If Dubai is worth that (and it may well be, if you're not tight with your family and don't care that they sniff at you) they go.
Then again, you would get to know you're an awesome sister if you go to the wedding.
More info needed!
February 6, 2013 at 6:55 AM
Unknown said…
Ugghhhh... I really wanted everyone to tell me to go to DUBAI! :-( -
February 6, 2013 at 10:46 AM
Anonymous said…
This is easy! Tell them you have to work that weekend. (Don't get any guilt trips about this.)
February 6, 2013 at 1:01 PM
Anonymous said…
Let's try this again: I am anonymous from 2/6/2013, 1:01 PM. GO TO DUBAI! If you're not that close, don't worry about it. I would recommend a really nice gift however.
February 6, 2013 at 2:25 PM
H. Bratset said…
I agree... you have to work and work is well, work. Plus, isn't it hard for an American to get a good job in Norway? You wouldn't want to risk losing it...;)(As far as the family thinks). I am also coming from a place right now where I feel like I do so much for my relatives out of guilt, and pressure to do the right thing. This is your life and you should do this for yourself if your boss is able to pull the strings. I doubt you'll regret it. Anyway, life is full of choices and regret but we can't dwell on it. Sounds like you've had this in the works a long time before the wedding was planned. So, by all means, go! Bring back a fabulous one of a kind wedding gift for your brother in law, and something cool for the hubs and the kids.
February 6, 2013 at 3:05 PM
Robbi said…
Hei Tressa,

"Sacramento" here ;-) I'm actually in Lake Tahoe.

I can understand why you are so torn. And since they've been samboer for so long and you don't sound too close to them, I'd go to Dubai.

You've worked hard to get where you are at, and you've more than paid your dues, so if you get to go to Dubai, I'd go. It's just too awkward now to back out.

Also, I think in America weddings are a bigger deal than they are in Norway, so that's also a plus in your favor to go to Dubai. ;-)

Ha en kjempefin kveld.

Klem
February 6, 2013 at 7:18 PM
Anonymous said…
I'd go to Dubai! A SIL who I am not close with, and has technically been a SIL for 13 years, up and decides to finally have a wedding wouldn't make me dip out on my boss. Especially since you begged and your boss fought to make a trip to Dubai possible for you.
February 6, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Anonymous said…
I don't know how many "Anonymouses" there are but I'm guessing several. :) If I were in your shoes, and knowing only what you have written, then I would go to the wedding. (Dubai is an airplane ride away for another time.) Family is family.
February 7, 2013 at 5:44 AM
Anonymous said…
Go to Dubai! They had 13 years to find a different weekend!
February 11, 2013 at 3:12 AM
Anonymous said…
Go to the wedding and travel to Dubai with your husband in the future. It will still be there.
February 11, 2013 at 3:48 AM
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