One bad apple....

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Been trying to think of a title for this post... One bad apple..."No more Mrs. Welcome Wagon"
I am seriously BUMMED today...
I have always been very open about my life as an expat.
I have always tried to be as helpful as possible....
helping other expats getting adjusted...
I was let down in a really big way by someone I went out of my to help...
Its my own fault really... I put myself out there to people I don't know.
Thank GOODNESS it was only myself who was professionally mortified ...
I think the reason I do this is because I WISH I had had someone to help me through the transition of moving to another country... advice.. telling me all of my mixed emotions are normal.
Many of us expats go through this identity crisis...
Yes, you may have had a good job at home... you may have a good education.. you may have had many great possibilities at HOME...
but that means nothing when you get to a foreign country...
you play by their rules.
You can't tell people how awesome you are... you have to show them.
Unfortunately, we as expats have to start in jobs we feel are beneath us...
I thought it was bad for me... but then I have met Dr.s scraping gum off of floors.. just to get into the "system".
All of my "old" ex pat friends can laugh about some of the really horrible jobs we have had over here... just trying to get our foot in the door.
We have all ended up in jobs we are content in...
although they may not be our dream jobs...
we know how lucky we are..
What I have learned from this bad experience is that all of these "GROWING PAINS" of moving to a new country are probably necessary to truly appreciate how long you have come.
The way I feel today.. because of one "bad apple" -my days of helping random strangers are over....
I hope this is a feeling which will pass... but I am not so sure.
fool me once..shame on you... fool me twice... shame on me
Sorry... just had to vent...

Comments

Suburban Princess said…
Please dont stop helping others! Just because one person wasnt open to it doesnt mean there are many many others who need you!
June 17, 2010 at 6:23 PM
DianeCA said…
I'm sorry you had a bad experience. I hope it won't taint your attitude forever, I don't think it will. You can't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. When you find out its bad you throw it out of the bushel and go on. There are of course lots of great expats, lots of really nice people who have relocated and are going through what you did. I know all about the jobs. I chose to take a new education to get into the system. Good luck!
June 17, 2010 at 6:30 PM
LadyFi said…
I don't believe that proverb about shame me once, shame me twice...

The highest form of wisdom is kindness, and compassion is a kind of love. Why would you want to stop those feelings?

Don't let the other person stop you from trying to help, it is that person's problem (and right) not to want your help, it's not YOUR problem...
June 17, 2010 at 7:15 PM
* said…
You did your part. One bad apple shouldn't spoil everything.
June 17, 2010 at 7:26 PM
Editor said…
I hope the feeling passes for you soon, because it is no fun to walk around with that heavy feeling inside.

I'm sure you will help others, but this can amybe give you the resolve to have clear boundaries that you don't have to feel guilty about?
June 18, 2010 at 1:23 AM
Unknown said…
Everyone needs to vent once and a while, and I have to agree with the other comments, don't stop being kind and helpful to others just because of random bad experiences!

I TOTALLY know what you mean about starting over. I'm having that issue with feeling inadequate here in Norway despite my status back in the States...I have a masters degree in curriculum development, a bachelors degree in English literature and a Washington state teaching certificate but I can't teach her until I pass the Bergenstest which is notoriously difficult and all together nightmarish. Awesome that I spent six years and hundreds of thousands of dollars on an education that doesn't matter a whole lot here. Ugh.
Thanks for making me feel like less of a goon...at least not alone in my struggle to acclimate professionally!

hang in there. <3
June 18, 2010 at 2:13 AM
PiNG aka Patti said…
You are not alone. We have all had some experience with reaching out to someone who turned out to be a jerk. That being said, the rewarding feeling that you get from all the other (non-jerks) is something that is an experience like no other. So... as the saying goes, don't like one bad apple ruin the bunch. :)
June 18, 2010 at 9:57 AM
Michele said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
June 18, 2010 at 11:21 AM
Michele said…
Aww, dang, I'm sorry to hear this person disappointed you so badly after you tried to help them. That sucks and can definitely leave you feeling kicked in the guts.

I guess we have to assume that this person is struggling with his/her own ex-pat s**t (know it well!) and maybe will soon realize his/her mistake and work to make it up to you? I hope so, anyway!

You sure did sum up the ex-pat experience well, and I thank you! Chin up, girlie girl! You're a good person to try to help people. And it's summer!

p.s. How is Bjørn doing? Hope all is well with his health.
June 18, 2010 at 11:41 AM
Kelley with Amy's Angels said…
I agree with others, don't stop offering the help! : )
June 18, 2010 at 3:00 PM
MommyLisa said…
I am CERTAIN the karma you get from helping others is worth the few bad apples you will encounter.

Peace. and you can VENT its your blog!
June 21, 2010 at 3:35 AM
paige said…
I hate that you had a bad experience. I hope you feel differently soon. Sometimes people can be mean to us because not only are we foriegn but we're also, gasp - American. I hate that. I want to say, "I'm nice. Really. Love me." But you know how things can be. Silly bad apples, too. Their loss.
June 22, 2010 at 2:16 AM
Anonymous said…
I agree with everyone---please don't stop helping others! There should be more people like you! As a former ex-pat myself, I always tried to reach out and help other newbies. I wish I had someone who reached out to me. But, just to offer a different perspective, some people feel uncomfortable accepting help (I learned that the hard way when my twins were born--I thought I could/should do everything myself--I turned several people away--lesson learned!)Maybe this was the case? Don't let one bad apple ruin it for you!
June 23, 2010 at 2:10 PM
Robbi said…
Tressa,

I'm so sorry you got one bad apple. Please don't let it stop you from helping others who really do appreciate your help very much.

Ha det bra.
June 23, 2010 at 7:25 PM
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