Looking up EXES.... deal breaker?
Over the past several weeks I have been reading posts about marriages breaking up over Facebook..
All of this "Reconnection" with LOST LOVES ...doesn't seem to be too good for most marriages..
the world seems to have gotten WAY. TOO. SMALL..
On one blog (wish I remembered the name) a lady seemed VERY distressed that her husband had been looking up his EX on the net... what should she do?
She had an amazing amount of repsonses telling her to "Kick him to the Curb" - He was a looser
...Let him leave & see just how good he had it with her!
Yaaaa... everyone was hopping on the bandwagon... Drop the bastard...
LOOKING UP EXES on the net is a DEAL BREAKER.
Really?
I didn't AGREE..but being the CHICKEN that I am ...I didn't post over there... for fear of being lynched..
I decided to bring it over here...
Is this a DEAL Breaker for MOST people?
I admit... I have contact with almost every guy I have ever dated.. is that weird?
I never really had a BAD BREAKUP...
I GOOGLE everyone all of the time... just cause I am NOSeY like that...
I still have occasional contact with my "first" love....
And Bjørn is cool with that. Ol' Blue Eyes knows I am in there for the long haul...
Not like I am making coffee dates with the Ex's...
Just reconnecting after all of these years..
Especially with facebook... who doesn't want to SEE who he ended up marrying & hoping (just a little) that she isn't as cute as you... (did I just write that?)
Like I said Bjørn is cool with the emails/chats. He has put his foot down as far socializing with the ex's.. We have been invited to my ex's wedding... HELLL NO was the answer...
Last summer we were invited to stay with an Ex & his family as we were driving through Germany... (I didn't even suggest that to Bjørn)
hell - we live on the other side of the world. from MOST of my ex's. so it isn't as if we are going to BUMP into them in the store... (unlike his ex's a-hem...)
so be HONEST... Haven't you looked up an Ex...?
How would you feel if your spouse was looking up exes?
Comments
I think as long as you're not spending excessive time updating the ex, you're fine. I wouldn't worry if my husband friended his old girlfriends, either - but then we have access to each other's FB accounts, so what's to worry about? And like you, we live halfway around the world (we're in Jordan), so I don't have to worry about anyone knocking on my door.
It also helps me to remember WHY I am not why I'm with those people any longer. :)
I think women look up exes mostly out of curiosity. I think we just want to know "do I look better/skinnier than their current wife/girlfriend?" And then we move along.
That's my personal view, and I know it's not the same for all. But just what I've observed thus far!
When is your House Hunters airing? Did I miss the memo on that? Can't wait to see!!! =)
its the socializing, ahem, that causes trouble.
I don't think one-on-one extended communication is healthy.
Like Donna, my hubby and I share email accounts and he has access to my/our FB account. I have friended his HS and College buddies and he uses the account to chat with them instead of setting up his own.
In addition, if I've ever felt uncomfortable with a comment someone has made I tell them so immediately. If they say something I know my hubby would be unhappy with or question then I tell them to knock it off. If it happens again I stop communication completely. FB and exes are not worth losing my husband or family over.
Have a great Saturday :-)
I would not want Mads to reconnect with his exes on FB and out of the same respect, I would never reconnect with mine.
That part of my life is over and done and there is nothing beneficial to my future to pursue something like that.
If I am "curious", I would rather focus that curiosity on my husband and the adventures we can have together....
I have heard things about my exes, and when I do, it just validates how much I have grown and improved for the better! :D
The past is past, and I'd rather remain focused on the here and now, with my lovely husband.
I gave you one of my weekly awards which you can collect anytime you like, if you like! :)
I am friends with ex's on facebook, but all of them were people I dated a few months, at most, and all were from WAY back in high school. Now we chat once in a blue moon about kids or old band memories.
And I am sure my husband talks with ex's, but I don't care, and he doesn't tell me. I'd rather not know. Knowing would make me jealous-something that wouldn't be fun and something that would be silly. Bill's been my best friend for over 10 years, so no matter how many "friends" each of us has over FB, we both know who is our number one friend. :)
i didnt bother adding him in fb. and i don't really want to know whats up with him. =p
visiting from Giraffe tribe =)
who can honestly say after several relationships that she/ he didn't look how the exes are on the web?? It's so not a dealbreaker. It becomes one, once you intend to do more with them in contrary to just see how their life went on afterwards. I am nosey as hell but wouldn't want anything from any of my exes. My partner has to know that, forbidding me to look them up is a cage I don't want to live in.
WTF???
Like I give a crap about some chick he knew 30 years ago?
We've BOTH checked out Exes online. Together. Just for kicks.
I don't have a jealous bone in my body though, he could go have dinner with an old flame and I'd jokingly ask him how the sex was.
We're cool like that. Thank gawd!!
BUT there is nothing romantic about it. We don't spend hours online with those past flames, and there is no hooking up for catch up dates in person or anything like that.
I think it's fine - and normal - to want to see how the people from your past are doing today (especially if they were good friends). But if it upsets your spouse, then I think you should be considerate of their feelings first - how they feel is what matters most and if you can't respect that, then there IS a problem to be concerned about.