At a loss...

I am having a tough time blogging...  I am at a loss for words..

There is a lot going on in my life at the moment ...

so many posts I continue to "write" in my head...

I just can't get them on to the screen...

Posts about loss.. posts about the good things happening...

reviews of products..what I am lovin..hate-in..

upcoming trips... England/France

if I wrote about everything happening in my life...

I may look a little crazy...

My life at the moment is hopping all over the place...

 I guess the best way to explain what is going on is just to throw it out there

& not worry about how it all mixes on the screen.

Three weeks ago I lost a friend from college in Afghanistan.

Two weeks ago Bjørns family was touched by tragedy..

His cousin, her husband &a their two children were killed in a horrible accident.

The family went away for a fun family weekend... just about an hour away....

They were camping & there was a gas leak in the van..

This past week we buried them. 

two families came together in a church...her family & his ... two schools for a 13 & a 16 year old.. and entire community..over 600 people showed up at the church.

I just sat there...taking it all in... feeling guilty about all of my blessings.. feeling horrible to be witnessing all of this sadness...this tragedy..

This was a a week of firsts for me... first time I have been at a child's funeral. (2 children) .a families funeral..a Norwegian funeral. 

I have been living in a bubble...a haze if you will..for the last few weeks....

trying not to think about how fragile life is... & the "what ifs"...

it can make a girl/mother/wife go CRAZY.

I am a guilty, worrier by nature (sound like a blast don't I?)

The events of the past few weeks have been making my worry more than usual... it is getting tougher for me to pretend to be "normal" ..
what I would like to do is keep my kids/family inside to keep them safe...

but alas..I can't.  
- Bjørn is taking the kids away for the weekend..(fall break)
- & I have 5 years worth of work to do in the next few days...  
While they are away.. I plan on working 12 hour days &
then CRASHING & trying to get a little me time in the evening....

I want to get back to writing... taking pictures... getting back to the old me.. 

So forgive me if my posts over the next few weeks..tend to be hoping from one thing to the next...

differences between Norwegian-American funerals..

 to finding (or not) the perfect little black dress for Cannes... 

 (this is all of the crazy stuff going through my head...)