MY life as an Expat....
An expatriate (in abbreviated form, expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence. The word comes from the Latin ex (out of) and patria (country, fatherland). (stolen from wikpedia...)
First let me say that when I start getting all whiny & saying that I want to
GO HOME... It has nothing to do with NORWAY...
There are many WONDERFUL things about living here in Norway....
I tend to get down & homesick when I have not -so-good-stuff- going on..... & just want to be home...my home... with my family.
My dearest friend here in Norway is named Leanna (also an expat...) & we know that we can always call each other & say "I am having a I hate (insert country) day..." & vent away..
Do we really hate the country?
NOOOOOO... of course not...
But somedays... living in a foreign country isn't as glamorous as all of my FACEBOOK friends think....
I think, being an expat because of work, would be AWESOME..... You get go go live in foreign countries, experience life there.... & then GO HOME..... on top of that... most expats (because of work) have ready made support systems.... you have friends , your send your kids to International School where they speak English.... it is like cheating.... You get to live in a foreign country but have a little cheat sheet, to help you along the way....
Please don't get mad at me EXPATS, if this isn't how your life is...
But when I lived in Germany studying that is exactly how sweet my life was.... I was able to soak in everything wonderful about living in Germany, traveling through Europe... & then on the days when I had ENOUGH of Germany/Europe, I could retreat back to my little America...I managed to get a job on the local Army base which gave me privileges to the base & the PX.... so anytime I was missing home,I could truck it up to the base & go to American Movies... American Clubs, hang out with Cute American BOYS.. & even buy VELVEETA.... (sorry, had to throw that in there...) So it was like cheating... & gave me the best of both worlds.....
When you MARRY & move to a foreign country, it is like being thrown into the deep end... ready or not...
there are those who swim & really thrive... & there are those who SINK... & then you have the FLOATERS like me.... sometimes I am swimming but every once in a while, I feel like I am drowning....
Sometimes, I just get tired... tired of always have to speak & think in another language... I get frustrated when there is something that I misunderstood.... (kids school) I get tired of FAKING it.... I get tired of never REALLY fitting in.... I don't want to be anything other than American... but it isn't easy to always be different... & over here... I am always just a little bit different.
- to be fair... I am writing this post in a pretty down moment... I am not thrilled with the Hospitals or Medical care here... & I just wish we were home....
Why don't we hop in the plane & go home? Because..it is Bjørns Arm... & this is HIS HOME... & he is OK with things.... I am just trying to keep my mouth closed & be supportive.... he is a grown man, (a stubborn grown man) & he is going to have to make his own decisions....
But it doesn't stop me from worrying...
Kat asked if we were planning on moving home.... Nope...because really, the U.S. isn't home to anyone, except me. Eva is pretty much 100% Norwegian....
(OK 90%... I make her speak English & eat peanut butter)
& Dane is about 50-50.... & this IS Bjørn's home so he is like a happy cat.....
Bjørn works for an international company so who knows? maybe he we could end up moving back to the states or even Canada... but I'm not holding my breath....
I have a fantasy though... in 14 years I will move back to the United States.... hopefully, the kids will want to go to College in the US & that will be a good excuse for us all to go back....
But I THINK I would move back when the kids are grown.... like I said... this is a FANTASY.. If Bjørn doesn't want to retire in the states, would I really go & try to start over on my own at 50? (OK... 52) I told Bjørn of course we would still be married... he could come over & visit anytime he wanted... & I could & come visit him... : ) (big smile)
this is the fantasy that gete me through my everyday... who knows? In a few years, I might not need my fantasy... this may feel like home... a girl can hope....
Three years ago when I arrived here... I could barely get out of bed... I was so depressed about having to move back... ( did I mention that this move wasn't my idea?- I did it because I thought it was best for the family)
I couldn't imagine being as happy as I am now...(not today, but most of the time....) (another big cheesy smile) I have friends, a job I love, my kids are happy & most days i love my hubby more than the day I married him....
when I have my "I want to go home days..." it is of course HIS FAULT that we are here....
UPDATE*** Bjørn just called from the hospital, where he met with a team of 6 Dr.s. He is going in for surgery on Monday to remove the rod in his arm.... I am just PRAYING that they don't let him lay there open from his shoulder down to his elbow like they did last time... American in Norway: Needing to RANT/VENT
I don't think I will be able to handle it again... (ok, yes I will handle it... for goodness sakes... just sick of having to.) - & I know how BLESSED we are that it was just his arm which is messed up after falling 3 stories... I just thought it was O V E R ....
First let me say that when I start getting all whiny & saying that I want to
GO HOME... It has nothing to do with NORWAY...
There are many WONDERFUL things about living here in Norway....
I tend to get down & homesick when I have not -so-good-stuff- going on..... & just want to be home...my home... with my family.
My dearest friend here in Norway is named Leanna (also an expat...) & we know that we can always call each other & say "I am having a I hate (insert country) day..." & vent away..
Do we really hate the country?
NOOOOOO... of course not...
But somedays... living in a foreign country isn't as glamorous as all of my FACEBOOK friends think....
I think, being an expat because of work, would be AWESOME..... You get go go live in foreign countries, experience life there.... & then GO HOME..... on top of that... most expats (because of work) have ready made support systems.... you have friends , your send your kids to International School where they speak English.... it is like cheating.... You get to live in a foreign country but have a little cheat sheet, to help you along the way....
Please don't get mad at me EXPATS, if this isn't how your life is...
But when I lived in Germany studying that is exactly how sweet my life was.... I was able to soak in everything wonderful about living in Germany, traveling through Europe... & then on the days when I had ENOUGH of Germany/Europe, I could retreat back to my little America...I managed to get a job on the local Army base which gave me privileges to the base & the PX.... so anytime I was missing home,I could truck it up to the base & go to American Movies... American Clubs, hang out with Cute American BOYS.. & even buy VELVEETA.... (sorry, had to throw that in there...) So it was like cheating... & gave me the best of both worlds.....
When you MARRY & move to a foreign country, it is like being thrown into the deep end... ready or not...
there are those who swim & really thrive... & there are those who SINK... & then you have the FLOATERS like me.... sometimes I am swimming but every once in a while, I feel like I am drowning....
Sometimes, I just get tired... tired of always have to speak & think in another language... I get frustrated when there is something that I misunderstood.... (kids school) I get tired of FAKING it.... I get tired of never REALLY fitting in.... I don't want to be anything other than American... but it isn't easy to always be different... & over here... I am always just a little bit different.
- to be fair... I am writing this post in a pretty down moment... I am not thrilled with the Hospitals or Medical care here... & I just wish we were home....
Why don't we hop in the plane & go home? Because..it is Bjørns Arm... & this is HIS HOME... & he is OK with things.... I am just trying to keep my mouth closed & be supportive.... he is a grown man, (a stubborn grown man) & he is going to have to make his own decisions....
But it doesn't stop me from worrying...
Kat asked if we were planning on moving home.... Nope...because really, the U.S. isn't home to anyone, except me. Eva is pretty much 100% Norwegian....
(OK 90%... I make her speak English & eat peanut butter)
& Dane is about 50-50.... & this IS Bjørn's home so he is like a happy cat.....
Bjørn works for an international company so who knows? maybe he we could end up moving back to the states or even Canada... but I'm not holding my breath....
I have a fantasy though... in 14 years I will move back to the United States.... hopefully, the kids will want to go to College in the US & that will be a good excuse for us all to go back....
But I THINK I would move back when the kids are grown.... like I said... this is a FANTASY.. If Bjørn doesn't want to retire in the states, would I really go & try to start over on my own at 50? (OK... 52) I told Bjørn of course we would still be married... he could come over & visit anytime he wanted... & I could & come visit him... : ) (big smile)
this is the fantasy that gete me through my everyday... who knows? In a few years, I might not need my fantasy... this may feel like home... a girl can hope....
Three years ago when I arrived here... I could barely get out of bed... I was so depressed about having to move back... ( did I mention that this move wasn't my idea?- I did it because I thought it was best for the family)
I couldn't imagine being as happy as I am now...(not today, but most of the time....) (another big cheesy smile) I have friends, a job I love, my kids are happy & most days i love my hubby more than the day I married him....
when I have my "I want to go home days..." it is of course HIS FAULT that we are here....
UPDATE*** Bjørn just called from the hospital, where he met with a team of 6 Dr.s. He is going in for surgery on Monday to remove the rod in his arm.... I am just PRAYING that they don't let him lay there open from his shoulder down to his elbow like they did last time... American in Norway: Needing to RANT/VENT
I don't think I will be able to handle it again... (ok, yes I will handle it... for goodness sakes... just sick of having to.) - & I know how BLESSED we are that it was just his arm which is messed up after falling 3 stories... I just thought it was O V E R ....
Comments
While I was in the military I was stationed overseas. You never realize how there is a protective cultural bubble when you're in a community like that until it doesn't exist. Basic things like lacking brand recognition can become so perplexing on a simple grocery run. It all loses it's cutsey feel after a while, because there is no support system to fall back into.
I hope things go well with your family, soon. And I hope you feel better about Norway soon, too. Sometimes just writing out the feelings can release so much. Why else do we blog?
Hope it made you feel better to let it all out! There are days when I want to run away too, and I'm safely stashed in the USA....Hope hope hope all goes well with Bjorn's arm.
I have times when I feel like I'm a fish out of water and very homesick .... and basically, I'm in an English speaking country.
However, the customs, ways of doing things, etc, are different from what I'm used to 'back home'.
There are times when I get so frustrated, that I just want to kick something..
Will be sending prayers you way, for things to go well for Bjorn..
I hope that you can find happiness with your new "home" someday. And remember, we're not always happy here everyday either. We all have problems and sucky days where we wish we could be someone or somewhere else.
I know your mostly just down because of the issue with Bjorn's arm, but know that there are people there who care a great deal about you and want you to be happy.
BIG {{HUGS}}
i'm moving in june & would love to finally meet you then. in the meantime, i hope things improve for you & your husband. at least the weather is nice right now! ;)
I hope they sort his arm out for good this time - I know they don't give you much confidence in their abilities - bedside manners are lacking in a lot of hospital doctors here. How about asking your US doctor friend which questions to ask the doctors? Or see if she can tell you what's going on? I know I wouldn't be sitting calmly by if my boyfriend had a hole in his arm - I'd probably make the whole hospital staff wish they were somewhere else... Just stick to your guns and know that you're doing what everyone should - and would - be doing in your case.
Hope your hubby comes thru as stubborn and healthy as ever :)
so do not ever apologize for being negative or sad or blue...
If we don´t say it out loud, we will eventually wither away! And neither you nor I would be cute as withered women!! ;o) Texas sized hugs coming from DK!
I understand the whole need to vent about living in Norway; I live in Arizona but it's not Maryland & it's not Utah, where I'm from. Plus living out in the boondocks (the header on my blog is actually a pix of the valley that we live in) drives me nuts. Yeah, I've got a pool but I don't have great medical care. We have to drive 3 1/2 hrs to see my daughter's Dermatologist!
Hang in there. Thoughts, prayers & much bloggy love are heading your way! Prayers for Bjorn, his arm & the medical staff too.
On a much lighter note, I did see you brought up the subject of your stint at the American army bases - now there's a memory or two -
hey Dan how's Tressa is she ok?
Gee I think so!!
You take care, and if you want a laugh come and read some more of me amateur blogging - in today's ground breaking piece of journalism I'm assessing the positive benefits of applying advanced dance techniques to the accompaniment of Dick Van Dyke's finest chimney sweep hour in Mary Poppins, as part of an active lifestyle program for little man!
That said, I admittedly relied on my American bubble daily and it was still hard at times to get through a day without feeling utterly frustrated! If it takes one step to accomplish something in the US it will no doubt take 10 steps to do so in Europe. It was frustrating to travel because you might misread the rules for paying and parking your car. Trying to understand what a stupid automatic carwash machine was saying to me in Italian was just one of many things that sent me completely over the edge. Though I laugh at that situation now.
Your frustration is in knowing that your husband will be ok. In wishing you knew how to communicate effectively on behalf of your husband and his arm. Your frustration is because you want to be the best mom, wife and American/Norwegian there ever was! I get it! Think of it this way, even if you were in the US right now there is no guarantee you would feel any better about the care your hubby was receiving. Being sick SUCKS especially when you have no control over the situation. LET IT OUT GIRL! WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!
:-)
Sending you a bunch of warm, fuzzy, hopeful thoughts. I love you!!!
I wish I could bring you along! You're kids don't mind sharing rooms right?
I hope today is a little better.
As for the expat thing and the lonliness that oftentimes comes with it - I SO hear you! While I don't live in one country permanently, I do move around enough that I never truly feel at home - and the first year is a killer.
I'll be hanging here in the States for the next 3.5 months - and I'm honestly fearful that I won't want to go back home... because even after just 5 days, I'm in heaven!
Thinking of you...
You're also right about letting your husband make this medical choice. The system might seem messed up to you, but he's the one who needs to find his comfort zone.
Good luck with the surgery. And hang in there...
I have been an expat most of my life and this is the most difficult place I have lived! We have an outstanding family life, winters in the mountains, summers by the fjord, but professional life sucks and this is not exactly a foreigner friendly place.
Were it not for the love of my life, I'd be outta her faster than a... I cope by being myself... as a Canadian, that means complaining about Norway alot... the locals hate it, but it makes me feel a bit better (to be fair, I complain just as much about Canada, the UK, the USA; France...)!
Don't take things here too seriously and do not underestimate the relationship between your happiness and where you live. Life is too short!
I know I'll never really fit in. I know I'm always the awkward American, not that I want to be something else-- but I am the awkward American because I'm here.
I hope you're having a better day now. I wrote a post like this last week and never published it-- I'm saving it for a rainy sad day I guess.
You're handling the whole thing with humor and grace - much better than I would, for sure!
xo
I grew up in Holland, married an American in Kenya, lived in the US as well as in several developing countries for years. I love the expat life, but I'm also feeling rather rootless. My children are American, really. Although I'm very comfortable in the US, I still don't feel American. When I go to Holland I often feel like a foreigner, so I don't know where I belong! It's the price I pay for having wings, I guess. I do find that living internationally is wonderfully interesting and broadens your views. But yes, there are negatives to it as well.
Good luck!
Miss Footloose
www.lifeintheexpatlane.blogspot.com
www.southernrose.wordpress.com
I hope your husband is doing better soon and believe me I ended up with staph infections twice since I am in the States.