Talking about S E X with your children.
I am watching an Oprah re run with Dr. Laura Berman...
How to talk to your kids about SEX.
The episode is about a mother buying her 14 year old son condoms... & talking to your daughter about masturbation.
Ummm... N.O. and N.O. ....
I realize I have a little time on my side... I have a 10 & a 5 year old... but I can see it coming
oh man... can I see it coming.
most Americans have a different view on SEX than most Norwegians/ Europeans .
Europeans/Norwegians are much more OPEN about sex in general but especially with teens & sex..
I have a lot to learn... I can't see me being more European when it comes to MY kids & sex. (maybe?...I do have a few years...)
Danes class was given the in depth"TALK" when he was in 3rd grade...
I was surprised because we were not notified that they were going to talk about this... (in the U.S. I am pretty sure that would be a lawsuit)
I guess it was OK because it saved me from having the "talk"...but it would have been nice to have a choice.
Dane rushed home from school...all excited to tell me about what he learned... he told me about EVERYTHING they talked about & then said... "& it feels GOOOD"
Of course I was fine with everything up until that point... I called Bjørn at work...
in my...I want to move home kind of rant...." can you BELIEVE they told him that it feels GOOOOD? WTF- I have the good mind to call the school & tell them what I think about them giving my 8 year old a sex talk & telling how gooooood it feels...." (I didn't)
Why did THAT push me over the edge? I guess I feel like it encourages the kids to TRY it...
it is sooo different over here....
I grew up with "what a nice girl does/or doesn't do" "Nice girls, don't call/chase boys"
"Nice girls don't crawl into the backseat with some random boy"
(you better at least be wearing his class ring - do they even do that anymore?)
Probably the biggest deterrent to keep me from going "BAD" was my big brother...the Senior, Capt. of the Football team..... I always heard the way they (the football team who LIVED at my house) talked about the "nice" & "not so nice girls"
The "not so nice girls" NEVER became the girlfriend...EVER... those were the girls that you messed around with at the baseball fields on a Friday night...NOT the girls you would take to the Homecoming dance....
On top of that... I knew that if my Big brother E V E R heard anything "bad" about me...He would kick my ass first..& kill the guy afterward... - the thought of my whoring around being brought up at the dinner table...- FORGETABOUTIT..... So although I was a PARTY girl... I was still a REALLY NICE girl...
Thank Goodness, Eva has a BIG BROTHER....
I have plenty of Norwegian friends with teenage children, who KNOW that their kids are having SEX & even allow them to have their girlfriends/boyfriends SPEND THE NIGHT.
I just can't imagine ever being OK with that...
So anyway the OPRAH show today was about the mother buying her son condoms because she could tell her son was thinking about having sex for the first time....
I think/hope I would be able to pick up the signs when my children THINK they are ready... I think I will be able to talk to them about it...(talk them out of it...) but going to the store to buy them condoms? I don't think so.... maybe I could send Bjørn.
& as far as talking to your daughter about masturbation... (my face is going red just typing THAT word) so that your daughter won't need to go out & be with just any boy.... Don't think I would be able to talk about that either.... joking maybe...but a serious talk about it...i don't think so,.
I talk about it with the BOY... But I usually like to say things like...
"Just remember...if you touch it too much you will GO BLIND...
"You better not being doing THAT...you will grow hair on the palms of your hands & everyone will know..."
Don't worry...Bjørn is the GOOD parent... who assures him things are normal...& no...he isn't really going to go blind.
Do we REALLY have to have "that" talk?
Isn't it enough to teach your child to respect themselves & their body to keep them from making bad decisions?
So those of you who have been through this...how did you handle it?
those of you who haven't been this... how do you think you will react? Are you ready to accept that it is just a fact of life? Would you allow your teenager (14,15,16) year old have a sleep over at your house
Comments
My teenage son doesn't want to talk about sex...didn't want to talk about sex even when he was younger. But we made him listen to us talk about the overall subject and our views on it.
No, I will not be buying condoms for my kids. We are already talking about abstinence in things like oral sex & vaginal sex w/ my 12 yr old who is so grossed out he can't hardly see straight although he's so girl crazy it isn't even funny.
Both of my kids know that the earliest they can date is 16 & @ that it has to be w/ a group. No getting serious until after some university & even then sex should be after marriage. Nope, not old fashioned a bit!
OK- Onto the S E X. Um, No is right. I have 2 boys and I am continuously reminding my husband that even tho they are 8 and 5 it is his responsibility to tell them to rise above the urges of sexuality. I would have drove INTO the school office like with my car if they told my kids it feels good...AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I would NEVER allow them to do something in my house - ever!!!
On a funny note, when they were younger I would whisper in their ears 'You will not have sex until you are married' over and over while they were asleep. I figure it is there somewhere in their memory and will pop up at the right time. Silly, I know, but I figured it couldn't hurt. :-)
We have had the question of when do you know it's right...and we just say...when you are in love...and when you are responsible for yourself. Meaning - you are only ready when you are employed...paying your own bills...and not living at my house!
bahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
I'd be annoyed that someone other than myself told my child that sex feels good...however, that would be the answer to why adults do it, so it would have to come out in the end.
I am not dreading "the talk". However, I am hoping that I give a lot more information,support, etc. than I received (no matter how embarrasing it is for my children).
I am in support of birth control for children who think they want to have sex--and if I have to help my children see that this is the best choice until they have come out the other side of puberty a little more level-headed,(and hopefully child-free)then I will.
I was very naive and never knew anything about it until I was almost 16. Seriously.
My husband is SO having the talk with them - the boy AND the girls. I like to make him squirm like that. :)
Best to call a spade a spade imo. Sex is natural, fun, and goes with a lot of responsibility.
In my high school, I guess by your definition I was a not-so-nice girl. But no worries, I had plenty of invites to homecoming each year ;) I was far from slutty, though (at least in my mind, though I guess some would say any premarital sex is slutty!).
I would definitely buy condoms for my kids as it far preferable to having them get some disease or teenage pregnancy. However, I think that if you're old enough to have sex, you should be old enough to get over your embarrassment and buy condoms.
I would *not* allow my boys to have a girlfriend sleep over. Not because I think that'll keep them from having sex...I'm sure they'll find somewhere else! It's just too outside what's accepted in our society, and I would suspect the other parents wouldn't be comfortable with the arrangement. And that's not fair to the other parents to make that decision for them.
Sex is fun. It does feel good. I'd like my kids to grow up well-informed about it and able to make good decisions around it. To only be with people they love and respect, and who love and respect them. To be careful about STDs and pregnancy. To take it seriously, but also have fun. We'll see...I still have a number of years until they are old enough to think about it. I may become more puritanical as they become teenagers :)
BTW, I LOVE your new layout...the old was really cool, but this has a great contemporary feel! Well done!
http://theparentingmyth.blogspot.com/2009/11/birds-and-bees.html
When I was a teen, decades ago, it was not unknown for people to move in with their boyfriends/girlfriends at 16, and I see that it still is common. I suspect you have more shocks ahead of you.
But results are hard to argue with.