Janteloven... I need a "atta-girl" every once in a while!
After living here for a little over 4 years I F I N A L L Y had an A HA moment...
DIFFERENCES between living in Norway & in the U.S.
You remember all of the crap going on at school with Dane? (which, by the way, is much better now..)
So last night we were talking about a book report he is writing for his English class.... In the past week & 1/2 he has read 4 books from the U.S.
I am pretty proud of Dane...proud of the fact that he LIKES to read... proud of the fact that he is doing all of the extra work we have set up for him... We tell him OFTEN how proud we are of him... "Good JOB" is something you hear OFTEN around our house for both children...always have...made a big deal out of stuff that isn't really so big
"Yahooooo you went pee pee on the potty! GOOOOD GIRL" (lets have a party!)
- thats just us... & I think that it is a VERY AMERICAN thing to do... We like to boost people's egos don't we?
for the most part it isn't like that here.... I often ask Dane if his teacher was impressed or told him he had done a good job ...(perfect papers etc...) his standard response..."No, not really... - No they didn't say anything..." I always thought it was because the teachers were weird or something... who doesn't praise a child for doing well at something?
Last night it hit me...I had my A HA moment which explains the
great Norwegian MYSTERY to me... it is "Janteloven"
The Janteloven is used as a symbol of Norwegian principles of modesty and social equality.
Check out Us&Them (she had a great post on Janteloven...
"He then explained to me that, when a Norwegian says something is ‘okay’, that’s likely the American equivalent of doing a handstand. Very understated, these Norwegians. He went on to tell me that to get told something is ‘okay’ may well be one of the nicest compliments to get from a Norwegian."
[edit] Definition
There are ten different rules in the law, but they are all variations on a single theme and are usually referred to as a homogeneous unit:
Don't think you're anyone special or that you're better than us.
The ten rules are:
Don't think that you are special.
Don't think that you are of the same standing as us.
Don't think that you are smarter than us.
Don't fancy yourself as being better than us.
Don't think that you know more than us.
Don't think that you are more important than us.
Don't think that you are good at anything.
Don't laugh at us.
Don't think that anyone of us cares about you.
Don't think that you can teach us anything.
Of course, Norwegian society does not literally adhere to these rules. BUT STILL.....
Man, talk about the WRONG set of "rules" for this TEXAS girl... Everything I have taken as indifference is just the "Norwegian Way."
It is HARD to go from hearing positive things (as well as the negative) to not really getting any feedback.... Janteloven to me means not making anyone feel "DIFFERENT" - you are not to be proud... nor are you to feel bad... does that make sense? We are all supposed to be the same...
Not saying it is WRONG..just very very different.
I am one of those people who NEEEEED an "atta-girl every once in a while" Don't you?
Even in the blogging world... you start out blogging for yourself, & before you know it... you find yourself checking your stats... your traffic... your comments... HOW MANY FOLLOWERS.. (by the way I have been STUCK in the 140's F O R E V E R.. whats going on with that?)
When you have those posts with NO comments.. you begin to wonder if you have lost your "mojo" but when you have a great post, you feel like you are THE BOMB.. & you want to keep writing. Don't cha? Without feedback, I lose my motivation... without feedback I just feel BLAAAAA....
Point of this post? - None really... just an observation... really a POSITIVE observation..
The lack of feedback I get from people HERE really has nothing to do with ME... its just the way it is here... don't take it personally.. & roll with the punches...
DIFFERENCES between living in Norway & in the U.S.
You remember all of the crap going on at school with Dane? (which, by the way, is much better now..)
So last night we were talking about a book report he is writing for his English class.... In the past week & 1/2 he has read 4 books from the U.S.
I am pretty proud of Dane...proud of the fact that he LIKES to read... proud of the fact that he is doing all of the extra work we have set up for him... We tell him OFTEN how proud we are of him... "Good JOB" is something you hear OFTEN around our house for both children...always have...made a big deal out of stuff that isn't really so big
"Yahooooo you went pee pee on the potty! GOOOOD GIRL" (lets have a party!)
- thats just us... & I think that it is a VERY AMERICAN thing to do... We like to boost people's egos don't we?
for the most part it isn't like that here.... I often ask Dane if his teacher was impressed or told him he had done a good job ...(perfect papers etc...) his standard response..."No, not really... - No they didn't say anything..." I always thought it was because the teachers were weird or something... who doesn't praise a child for doing well at something?
Last night it hit me...I had my A HA moment which explains the
great Norwegian MYSTERY to me... it is "Janteloven"
The Janteloven is used as a symbol of Norwegian principles of modesty and social equality.
Check out Us&Them (she had a great post on Janteloven...
"He then explained to me that, when a Norwegian says something is ‘okay’, that’s likely the American equivalent of doing a handstand. Very understated, these Norwegians. He went on to tell me that to get told something is ‘okay’ may well be one of the nicest compliments to get from a Norwegian."
[edit] Definition
There are ten different rules in the law, but they are all variations on a single theme and are usually referred to as a homogeneous unit:
Don't think you're anyone special or that you're better than us.
The ten rules are:
Don't think that you are special.
Don't think that you are of the same standing as us.
Don't think that you are smarter than us.
Don't fancy yourself as being better than us.
Don't think that you know more than us.
Don't think that you are more important than us.
Don't think that you are good at anything.
Don't laugh at us.
Don't think that anyone of us cares about you.
Don't think that you can teach us anything.
Of course, Norwegian society does not literally adhere to these rules. BUT STILL.....
Man, talk about the WRONG set of "rules" for this TEXAS girl... Everything I have taken as indifference is just the "Norwegian Way."
It is HARD to go from hearing positive things (as well as the negative) to not really getting any feedback.... Janteloven to me means not making anyone feel "DIFFERENT" - you are not to be proud... nor are you to feel bad... does that make sense? We are all supposed to be the same...
Not saying it is WRONG..just very very different.
I am one of those people who NEEEEED an "atta-girl every once in a while" Don't you?
Even in the blogging world... you start out blogging for yourself, & before you know it... you find yourself checking your stats... your traffic... your comments... HOW MANY FOLLOWERS.. (by the way I have been STUCK in the 140's F O R E V E R.. whats going on with that?)
When you have those posts with NO comments.. you begin to wonder if you have lost your "mojo" but when you have a great post, you feel like you are THE BOMB.. & you want to keep writing. Don't cha? Without feedback, I lose my motivation... without feedback I just feel BLAAAAA....
Point of this post? - None really... just an observation... really a POSITIVE observation..
The lack of feedback I get from people HERE really has nothing to do with ME... its just the way it is here... don't take it personally.. & roll with the punches...
Comments
Oh and you're doing great. We love you. And this post is awesome! **hug**
PS...the cake girl, I messed it up..she is www.piecesofmiti.blogspot.com now you can check out her cakes.
In laws have family in Oslo and aside from that not sure what they would want to see. They are not the most mobile because they are 82 but they can still get around pretty decently!
Here's some love: Norway should be damn proud there's Texas siren in their midst. Ha! There, now. Put on those gorgeous shoes and go out to dinner/dancing with your hubby!!
I thought this was just a Danish thing... you are educating me! Guess it is all over Scandinavia!
Saying that I never get the American need for external validation, and don't get me started on the whole "have a nice day" thing! We may have crap service in Norway, but at least it's genuine!
Have you ever meet any norwegians who are NOT patriotic about their country? I have not met anyone, - except from myself.
Yes, I'm a norwegian, and I dare to say that I DO NOT LIKE Norway. In fact, I even dislike Norway so much that I immigrated to France two years ago (I'm writing you from Paris.) I can only think of a few things I truly like about Norway: Beautiful nature (but Norway is FAR from the only country with exceptional nature! ..even though norwegians tend to think otherwise) It's a rich country (not that money is happiness, but let's pretend for a second) The language. (Yes, actually I like it, and the strong R's makes my french pronunciation sound cute.) Hm, difficult to find another things I like, of course certain norwegian friends/family. :-) Other than that, sadly I link Norway to it's "close-minded" inhabitants who usually makes up an un-nurturing atmosphere for anyone who stands out - stands out because they are more talented than "average", artistic, foreign, rich, or simply dresses different. Also, it's so much frowning and jealousy in Scandinavia it's DISTURBING. To my american friends in Paris I often explain Janteloven as "the opposite of The American Dream". - If you have a new fancy car, or fabulous high designer-heels for that matter, a new fabulous job...it's few genuine "klapp på skulderen", a few mumbling "gratulerer" maybe, but little enthusiasm, no cheering for others happiness. And if you happen to be famous too, the press will do anything to drag you down, no matter how many jobs you have created for Norway ("Rimi-Hagen" the last example). But I guess for those who stands out and live in a small town it's worse...norwegian small towns has the loudest silence!...
Since you are American - perhaps you have heard norwegians calling The U.S "dobbeltmoralske"? - Since The U.S. is seen as a liberal country when it comes to showing sex/violence in films, but not printing breast-feeding mothers in magazines etc. However, my opinion is that Norway is a "dobbeltmoralsk" country in an even more dodgy way. - I mean for example Norway/norwegians pride themselves for being pioneers when it comes to liberal laws for abortion, and gay rights. However, the gap between "Norges Lover" and the everyday society....wow, it's huge! I know it's many rigid social conventions in The U.S and France too, but for Norway a country which image is based upon being so liberal and "open". - Shouldn't that be reflected in The People too?? I'm gay, and personally I feel more accepted and free in a catholic country like France (with less gay rights than Norway), than what I did when I lived in Oslo/Bærum for 24 years... And I know I'm not the only one...
Sometimes I feel guilty about not being able to say that I like Norway. I'm from a privileged family, and as a child growing up in Bærum I had all the materialistic things I could dream about. And most people in Norway are privileged, and for those who are not the welfare is amazing in Norway. But that's not really enough...a more psychological encouraging atmosphere in "The People" is what's needed. Also, Norwegians must dare to take a more critical look at themselves and their Jantelov in other to provide better for the new generations. So thank you SO MUCH for writing this blog - I think you have a lot of guts and "mojo". I wish many more (all) norwegians would read it and reflect a bit!...(a lot;)
You are totally bookmarked chez moi :-))
*applause* from Nina in Paris
I feel your pain with the comments and the followers too -- the silent readers just dont' get it. I have stopped checking my stats and #s. It is what it is. If anything I am doing the blog for myself. I guess the friends and family who read it too.
OH well.
Have a great weekend.
PS- LOVE all the new shoes you got! I was going to check out the SHapeUps too... still feeling good? Making any difference?
I think you ROCK! Which not only a very American thing to say, it is also a "dated" American thing to say. Just the same....I still mean it!
hope that helps :)
by the way, my grandma (born and raised in Norway) was one of the sweetest, most compliment giving people i ever met... meaning she must have not fit in and that's why they crossed the sea, ha ha
Grumblings from beneath a rock in western Norway.
I really relate to this and I love feedback too. I have been researching on Janteloven and came across your article. Really interesting and thats why I think you deserve to get the feedback.I am a foreigner in Norway and I am writing on my encounters in this country!! Keep up the goodwork.