Idiotic? Ouch!
So I woke up to this little diddy this morning....
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Power of Prayer....":
"you sound like and idiot! if you CARE about somebody DO something, GO and ASK, your dilemma is idiotic! PS. From my experience, cancer doesn't respond to prayer, don't be naive, be smart, and if you can, do something tangible."
So my first impulse is to delete it... but instead, decided to let it be & thought about it....
Perhaps I don't always explain myself clearly...although I think most of you "get me..."
OF Course if I was living in America... & this was a co worker, friend, neighbor... I would be hopping on the band wagon like everyone else.... can you imagine this happening to someone you know? What would every one's reaction be? We would have meals ready... we would be writing letters... we would be sending gifts or trying to relieve the parents... we would be taking up collections.... anything we could do to help this little boy & his family... Wouldn't we?
But this ISN'T AMERICA.... there was no email sent out, to all of us that Hanne had employed,or worked with, just to give us a heads up... The only way we found out that she had gone to America for treatment is because my co worker put 2 + 2 together that this little 5 year old anonymous boy in the newspaper was indeed Hanne's son & called her office to find out if she had gone over to the states... I found about it later in the day...
Although Norway & the U.S are very similar in most ways there are cultural differences... MANY CULTURAL DIFFERENCES... which don't seem like a big deal until you have offended someone...
What I see as caring... can very easily be construed as being intrusive... things ,I as an American would take for granted can be taken as just weird.....
First few times I made dinner for families that were in the hospital ... the families thought, although NICE...it was odd...people don't do that here...
When I was in the hospital with both Bjørn & Eva this summer... there wasn't really any reaching out to me... my American girlfriend made dinner for us, Work was awesome.. they told me to take care of my family & not worry.. but as far as offers to help me with Dane, what can they do?... it just wasn't there....
(my BLOGGY friends were there...offering support, offering to meet me in Chicago to help me with the kids -thanks Suzanne..)
It is just different here... & Americans are different.... My concern was with my being
"OVER THE TOP...." I find that people tend to mind their own business here.... and the last thing I would want to be right now is INTRUSIVE....
Then again having been a terrified mother in a foreign country with a sick baby & feeling alone... I hate that I KNOW she must be feeling the same way....
& being an American & proud of who & what we are.. I want Hanne to have the best experience possible, in the American system... I want her to know, that people she doesn't even know, care about her & her son....
"PS. From my experience, cancer doesn't respond to prayer, don't be naive, be smart, and if you can, do something tangible."
I am not saying that it will be prayer that cures this little guy...I pray he is getting the best care he can... praying is the one thing I CAN do this weekend, until I find out where they are.... it was the one thing I could ask all of you to do.... Once I find out where she is... I can make phone calls... i can send something... I don't know... I just feel like I need to do something...
If I can get a hold of her & get the feeling that I am intruding I will back off... But really I am not an idiot...(most of the time anyway)
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Power of Prayer....":
"you sound like and idiot! if you CARE about somebody DO something, GO and ASK, your dilemma is idiotic! PS. From my experience, cancer doesn't respond to prayer, don't be naive, be smart, and if you can, do something tangible."
So my first impulse is to delete it... but instead, decided to let it be & thought about it....
Perhaps I don't always explain myself clearly...although I think most of you "get me..."
OF Course if I was living in America... & this was a co worker, friend, neighbor... I would be hopping on the band wagon like everyone else.... can you imagine this happening to someone you know? What would every one's reaction be? We would have meals ready... we would be writing letters... we would be sending gifts or trying to relieve the parents... we would be taking up collections.... anything we could do to help this little boy & his family... Wouldn't we?
But this ISN'T AMERICA.... there was no email sent out, to all of us that Hanne had employed,or worked with, just to give us a heads up... The only way we found out that she had gone to America for treatment is because my co worker put 2 + 2 together that this little 5 year old anonymous boy in the newspaper was indeed Hanne's son & called her office to find out if she had gone over to the states... I found about it later in the day...
Although Norway & the U.S are very similar in most ways there are cultural differences... MANY CULTURAL DIFFERENCES... which don't seem like a big deal until you have offended someone...
What I see as caring... can very easily be construed as being intrusive... things ,I as an American would take for granted can be taken as just weird.....
First few times I made dinner for families that were in the hospital ... the families thought, although NICE...it was odd...people don't do that here...
When I was in the hospital with both Bjørn & Eva this summer... there wasn't really any reaching out to me... my American girlfriend made dinner for us, Work was awesome.. they told me to take care of my family & not worry.. but as far as offers to help me with Dane, what can they do?... it just wasn't there....
(my BLOGGY friends were there...offering support, offering to meet me in Chicago to help me with the kids -thanks Suzanne..)
It is just different here... & Americans are different.... My concern was with my being
"OVER THE TOP...." I find that people tend to mind their own business here.... and the last thing I would want to be right now is INTRUSIVE....
Then again having been a terrified mother in a foreign country with a sick baby & feeling alone... I hate that I KNOW she must be feeling the same way....
& being an American & proud of who & what we are.. I want Hanne to have the best experience possible, in the American system... I want her to know, that people she doesn't even know, care about her & her son....
"PS. From my experience, cancer doesn't respond to prayer, don't be naive, be smart, and if you can, do something tangible."
I am not saying that it will be prayer that cures this little guy...I pray he is getting the best care he can... praying is the one thing I CAN do this weekend, until I find out where they are.... it was the one thing I could ask all of you to do.... Once I find out where she is... I can make phone calls... i can send something... I don't know... I just feel like I need to do something...
If I can get a hold of her & get the feeling that I am intruding I will back off... But really I am not an idiot...(most of the time anyway)
Comments
I think the majority of us understood what you are saying. But kudos for you to take the effort to find out where she is and for WANTing to help. There are many people that would say...oh well. I sympathize with you and I ache for that momma out there. The one who KNEW there was something wrong with her child and no one took the extra step to just double check....It is truly a tragedy.
A lot of us have a blog so that we can do just that - write a little, make some sense of our world by throwing thoughts and feelings around and maybe get some constructive suggestions/criticisms in return.
I'm not sure if I understand how telling somebody that they 'sound like an idiot' (when they'r not) can possible be considered as constructive criticism.
Everybody has a story to tell! Making rude or potentially hurtful comments to other people just because they have a different style of doing things - can't possibly help anybody.
I feel for this person that they don't see the power of the "little" things that can help a person in a time of need. Sad for this person.
You.Are.NOT.an.idiot, but a fabulous friend and caring and loving person!
As a fellow expat, I do understand how cultural differences really do play a part in how we react and interact with every day life. You were spot on with your posting... and while I too know that prayer isn't going to cure your friend's son, we can all take more than a moment to think about that family, pray for a cure, and be thankful for what we have at the same time.
Shame on anonymous for their comment. Can't we all just get along?
Don't let that person get you down. You are doing the right thing, and I am sure Hanne would be so grateful for the prayers and anyone reaching out to help her while she's in the US.
I just had a mastectomy less than a month ago, at age 42, because of breast cancer. So many people have prayed for me, including strangers. The prayers meant a lot to me. Now I am officially cancer-free! :-D
There have been medical studies done that prove the power of prayer.
It's great you want to reach out and help while they're in the US, and when they come home all healthy and cancer-free!
Also, it's so wonderful to see the blogging community and your commenters ready and willing to help Hanne and her son if they are in the area. If they are in my area, I will do what I can to help even though I'm still in recovery.
Klem
Robbi in Lake Tahoe, CA
As someone who lost a member of her family to cancer (in the lungs and then a brain tumour) just before Christmas, I can tell you that being positive, being affirmative, being loving and supportive REALLY does make a difference! I would say that prayer definitely includes many, if not all, of these elements.
I certainly hope you find your friend and can offer the hand of support and friendship, and prayer.. because, believe me, it is of great comfort at a time like this.
And prayer doesn't have any effect on cancer???? Sure as heck can't hurt...
You are a good person and I totally get what you were and are trying to say.
P.S. I bet you Anon is kin to my aisle 5 lady. ;)
On the prayer issue I have to say as a Christian it is difficult for me to pray for healing. Many times in my life loved ones have died in spite of prayer (I won't go into the "why God?" part of it, that has to be a whole blog on its own). But I have also heard of miraculous healing so IT CAN'T HURT.
Come out of the closet and show yourself!
And like everyone else said, you have no need to explain yourself.
Some people have nothing better to do then belittle others.
Hey I was just going to say don't let 'anonymous' get you down. People that won't put their name to their comment aren't worth worrying about, as many have already written here.
Good on you for writing down your feelings in the first place, and then taking the time to explain the cultural context to 'anonymous'.
You need to do what is right for Norwegians when you're in Norway, no doubt about it. Even if that means all you can do is pray for now.
BUT - I'm with you - if she's in America, and she's anywhere near your American friends and family, you should enlist them to stop by and help her. Think about it: she's in a foreign country and might not know how to get internet access, phone cards, even groceries. When my baby boy was sick, it was an awful time, and I relied heavily on other people's prayers AND help. But at least, at the time, I was in my own country.
You are right to think of her, to pray for her, and to wonder what you can do that is culturally appropriate.
That's my 2 cents, anyway. Sorry to babble on.
And for that anon reader, just check out Harper's progress, and that will tell you the power of prayer! http://www.kellyskornerblog.com/
True story. A 18 yr old boy in my parent's congregation was diagnosed w/ a particularly aggressive form of cancer. He was not given much of a chance for survival. In fact he was given a short time frame for life. That was 2 yrs ago & 1 1/2 yrs ago he was pronounced cancer free. (and still is!)
Prayer isn't always for the victims of such horrible illnesses either. Prayer is for all of us to give us peace & comfort when we can't do much else. Just the act of doing for someone helps us to be simply - more.
Anon - Tressa has tried to let you know her feelings & explained her reasoning. You should also respect this. Take it to your own blog & vent as much as you'd like. Oh & my prayers are for you as well as Hanne, her son, & Tressa. Why? Because you sound like you are truly hurting. And Tressa? You go, girl!
And I'm sorry you're finding it difficult with the cultural differences to find a way to reach out and help. It's always difficult to know what to do for someone going through a tough time, and adding in the cultural issue is just further complicating things. My thoughts are with this family!
stopping by from sits, by the way. you sound like a thoughtful and genuine person. the best thing you can do, IMO, is pray.
At this point, the only thing YOU can do IS pray, so pray hard.